


Just Fine

by agrajag



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrajag/pseuds/agrajag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Do you want to spend the night at mine?" Kieren asked.</i>
</p><p>
  <i> And while normally if someone Simon was involved with had asked him to spend the night at their's, he'd be wary, Simon said yes.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Fine

**Author's Note:**

> [Shannon](http://www.dicktective.tumblr.com) and I were re-watching series one together and bouncing fic ideas off of each other, so this one is for her. It's short and the whole thing doesn't focus on them being asexual, I'm sorry. I hope it's still pretty good.

"Do you want to spend the night at mine?" Kieren asked.

It had been a week since they watched Amy be lowered into the ground for a second time. Simon had been staying in her apartment, but everyone could tell it was taking its toll on him. He was constantly surrounded by reminders of their friendship. She was the most optimistic person he had ever met, living or dead, and her personality was so infectious even after she was gone that although he would accidentally step on a beaded bracelet and want to cry, he'd find himself smiling at first instead. He spent more and more time volunteering around Roarton, even after the obligatory "volunteering" PDS sufferers were forced to attend, and he visited the Walkers during the evening more often then not. Mrs. Walker was the first to suggest setting up the spare room for Simon, thinking he couldn't hear her whispering to her husband two nights previous. He appreciated how kind they were, despite it all, but he was foolishly stubborn by nature and never wanted to be somebody's charity case before. He wouldn't start now.

Then Kieren asked, and it was hard to say no. Kieren -- who tried so hard to see the good in everyone and saw it Simon -- not just as a disciple of the Undead Prophet, but just as himself. And while normally if someone Simon was involved with had asked him to spend the night at their's, he'd be wary, Simon said yes. Because he knew this was about his well being and not Kieren trying to take advantage of him. He would never do that.

They went back to Amy's and Simon packed an overnight bag. It was going to be for one night only. At least for the time being. Kieren didn't push Simon to commit to anything more permanent, even though it was obvious that they both knew of his parents scheming. Simon thought about asking Kieren how Sue and Steve approached him about their plan, but he felt like it was best to leave it all unsaid. It felt nice to pretend like everything was normal. Like he needed to leave his apartment for one night (perhaps due to the building being fumigated) and that when he returned the next day, he wouldn't suddenly feel oddly homesick for the place he left while simultaneously feeling homesick for how the place where he was used to be.

"I can't remember the last time it was this quiet here," Kieren said when Simon emerged from his room. "There was always at least two or three people here at any given time."

"Yes, well, the Prophet's followers stopped popping round when they realized I was a failure."

"You're not a failure. You did the right thing," Kieren reassured him. "Sacrificing innocent people is never the answer."

Simon knew he was talking about the use of Blue Oblivion, but it he was pretending then he could allow himself to pretend it was Kieren's way of saying he forgave Simon for even thinking of going through with the Prophet's plan of killing him. Even only a short week after the events, Simon still couldn't believe he had even allowed himself to question whether or not he should go through with it at all.

What he wanted was to be completely honest with Kieren, but he knew that it wasn't the time. What they had was just starting, and while he knew he was falling in love, he couldn't speak for Kieren. So he smiled.

"You're right."

"Of course I am. I always am."

Simon never truly got to see the carefree side of Kieren. During the turmoil that had occurred since Simon came to Roarton, it was easy to forget that Kieren was still very much just a teenager. Simon was hopeful that they would be able to fight the system, albeit in a different manor they he had been while he was still following the Prophet's teachings, and make it so that Kieren could be carefree all the time. The way he eyes lit up when he joked was magical.

Simon couldn't help himself as he leaned in to kiss Kieren on the cheek, thankful that he had permanently stopped wearing his mousse. Kieren managed to still look surprised when Simon showed him affection, and Simon wanted nothing more than to yell at whoever had caused Kieren to think he didn't deserve it.

"Come on," Kieren said, smiling shyly. "We'll be late for dinner, and we can't have that."

 

The guest room was small and rather dusty. Simon imagined the Walkers not having guests since Kieren had passed away, and he felt sad for them. Small village society and its conservative ways did not deserve them, then. He set his bag on a wicker rocker in the corner and sat down on the bed gingerly. Everyone else had called it an early night, and he felt as if it would be wrong to sneak around the house while they were trying to sleep. He looked around the room and wasn't shocked to see more of Kieren's artwork hanging on the walls. There was a picture that appeared to be a younger Jem, before hair dye and heavy metal replaced pigtails and jump rope in her heart, and one of an elderly couple. Simon assumed it was Kieren's grandparents, who probably used the room when they came to visit. He wondered when the last time that was.

Simon was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps approaching his room. There was a hesitant knock at the door followed by a whispered, "Simon?"

"Yeah, Kieren. You can come in."

Kieren was wearing a light cotton tee and shorts and looked as if he was suddenly regreting not putting on regular clothes before coming to see Simon. He glanced down nervously at his feet before meeting Simon's eye.

"I couldn't sleep," he said. "I thought maybe we could try..."

Simon must have looked as terrified as he felt because Kieren immediately stopped and started apologizing.

"No, no, no. Kieren. Don't. You have nothing to be sorry for. I just don't want to have sex with you."

"I thought you don't lead people on," Kieren muttered.

"I don't. I do want to be with you. I like kissing you." Simon sighed. "I really like kissing you. And I'd like to hold you. That's something I would love to do right now, actually. But I've never been interested in sex. With anyone."

"So you're asexual?" Kieren asked. He looked visibly relieved. He crossed the room and sat down next to Simon on the bed, keeping a respectable distance. Simon appreciated the gesture and didn't feel too awkward discussing the matter now that Kieren was looming over him.

"I... yeah. You're the first person who didn't get angry and yell."

"Well, that would be a little hypocritical of me. I mean, I am interested in sex, but only sometimes. I guess I just don't have a high sex drive or whatever. Plus, what draws me to someone is their personality. Not really their looks. But I was always under the assumption that when I was with someone, I could make compromises with them when it came to all the sex stuff."

"So you never were with someone?" The question was out before Simon could stop it. He wasn't sorry, though. It would make him feel better to know for a fact that a bad relationship wasn't what had caused Kieren to be jumpy when faced with physical affection. He couldn't be held responsible for what he would do if it were the case.

"Sort of. It's... it's kind of a long story."

"That's alright. You don't have to tell me."

"Thanks. But I should tell you. If we're gonna be together. But... just not right now. It still hurts thinking about it. You and..."

Kieren quickly looked away and took a deep breath. Simon knew what he was going to say, and he understood how difficult it was to even say her name.

"You two helped me deal with it, though," Kieren finished.

"Okay. So we'll sort that out when we get to it. We'll have some of my own baggage to unpack eventually, too, I assure you. And we'll work through it all together. But for now, let's try to get some sleep, yeah?"

Kieren smiled again. "I'd like that."

Simon stood up, watching as Kieren pulled the stiff blanket down and crawled underneath. He turned the light off and joined him. At first, the air between them was tense. They both laid straight on their backs without touching each other. Every breath was as if a bomb had gone off. Eventually Kieren muttered "fuck it," snuggled up to Simon's side, and rested his head on his shoulder. Simon relaxed into him, arranging his arm around Kieren's midsection, and felt himself starting to drift off.

It was the first night in a week he didn't lie awake for hours.

\-----

Simon did go home the following morning but only to pick up some more clothes from Amy's apartment. He told himself he wasn't leaving for good, but he knew that technically he lived more at the Walker's then her old place already. None of the furniture was his. It was either there when Amy had moved in or she had thrifted during her time in Roarton since the Rising. His books he would have to move out eventually, but all his artwork in his room could stay. It all connected him to his time as the Undead Prophet's deciple and he wanted nothing more to do with that. While he still strongly disagreed with the way PDS sufferers were being treated, and while he was not going to go down without a fight, he knew he no longer agreed with his tactics.

He knew things were going to be difficult since he had betrayed the Prophet. The followers who had decided to stay in Roarton would definitely have something to say. But at least they had the dignity to grant him a mourning period, it seemed. No one was at the apartment or around the village while Simon went to pack. He supposed he had to be thankful for the little things.

Cemeteries used to never bother Simon, whether in his past life or this, but as he neared the village cemetery he felt a wave of anxiety wash over him. It was as if he was still pretending and seeing that tombstone would remind him that Amy wasn't away on one of her day trips and he wouldn't see her when she got back later. He knew, however, that he should go. It killed him to go a full week without seeing her. It was killing Kieren, too, but he wasn't going to pressure him into coming. He would make it there on his own time.

The dirt still looked freshly turned over. It was too cold for any grass to start growing there any time soon. It made it harder to look at her grave. There was a stuffed tiger, looking ragged from the rain, leaning up against the stone. Simon recalled seeing Philip holding it at the funeral. He smiled slightly and set the bracelet he had brought next to it.

"I figured you'd want that next time you come back," he said. "I know it was your favourite. Kieren must not have been able to find it last week because I'm sure he would have made sure you had it. He misses you, by the way. Terribly so. I do too."

There was a distant boom of thunder and Simon glanced up at the sky. He had some time before the storm would hit.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Amy. I never got to say that. I did love you. So much. Just not like you loved me, and it pains me that I'm a bit daft at this love thing to not have realized you felt that way. Kieren had to point it out to me. I'm amazed he didn't have to point out that I was falling for him. I'll take good care of him, by the way. I promise. I know you'd waste no time in popping right up to strangle me if I didn't."

Simon started to feel a bit self conscious standing in the middle of the cemetery talking to himself. He knew Amy couldn't hear him. Before he could start crying, there was another clap of thunder, and he hurried back to the Walkers' home.

"There you are," Kieren said when he opened the door. "You don't have to knock, you know."

"I don't have a key," Simon replied.

"Well, then we're just going to have to get you one."

Simon reached out and gently pulled Kieren's face toward his, kissing him lightly on the lips. "I think it's a bit early for that, but thank you."

"Don't say thank you just yet. Tonight's game night. You might change your mind about staying here."

Simon looked over and noticed the pile of board games stacked up on the living room table and chuckled. "No, I think I'll be just fine."


End file.
